How To Move On and Finally Get Over Your Ex

I've had a lot of people emailing and asking me how they can get over their ex. To be honest, I cannot tell any one person "how" to get over their ex. We are all different, we all think, react and function differently and how one person gets over their ex is different to how another got over theirs.

I may not be able to tell you how to get over your ex and I don't want to give you a generic answer so I have compiled together a collection of how other people, have gotten over theirs. 

LISA, 25

It depends on how serious the relationship was but regardless, break ups are always equally hard. With my most recent ex, I went on a trip away to rejuvenate. I wanted to go overseas recharge and unwind. In the past, I have taken up new hobbies like dancing and painting. I feel the best thing to do is to allow yourself time to grieve and be sad for a little while. Even if it takes one to a few weeks. There is nothing worse than to be stuck with suppressed feelings after a break up.

TIM, 31

Well for starters, I need to say that I am actually pretty emotionally crippled. I don't do the usual guy thing of going to the pub with mates and getting blind rotten drunk. One time I tried to "get back on the bandwagon" and try to find a random hook up, to hopefully help me move on, turned out in me finding that I had no game so that didn't pan out too well!

With that failing, I have my back up plan of playing games on the computer. I usually turn into a social outcast, stop going out and I stop talking to friends. I sit there on my own and lose myself in the virtual world. Then I eventually have enough of that and snap out of it. I resume my social life but it takes me some time to get there. These days I have my training, so I put extra effort into it and have more sessions just to distract myself.

JANE, 25

I was with a guy from 19-21 and found my whole world revolved around him. The biggest thing for me was figuring out who I was and what made me happy. I knew I wasn't happy with him. I had no idea what type of guy I wanted or what was best for me. As hard as it was to leave him, he was my best friend, I finally got the courage to walk away.

I started seeing someone else not long after as he chased me profusely, looking back, he was a rebound, someone to distract me. This may or may not have been such a great idea but luckily he ended up being amazing in so many ways that it made me realise what I could have. Unfortunately this guy ended up being abusive so it also showed me what I didn't want. 

I wasn't 100% into him so it didn't last long and I was strong enough to walk away. I started to focus on spending quality time with my friends and I also dated as many guys as possible, without getting serious. I suppose I just wanted to see what else was out there. There were also a lot of times where drugs and alcohol were used to escape and I definitely made a lot of stupid mistakes. It's 2 years later and I can happily say that I have found what I have always wanted and have learnt to never ever settle.

OBIE, 23

It took me a long time to get over my ex girlfriend. I liked her so much but I realised that we weren't going anywhere. I was in Brisbane and she was in Townsville, so this was an added strain. I feel like what held the relationship together was the money I was earning and once I lost that job, everything between us became flat. The motivation to become a better person than what I was back then, has helped me finally get over the depressing break up stage.

CHLOE, 24

The way I get over any guy is to cut him off completely. I delete all photos, unfollow them on all social media platforms and basically have no contact. I need zero reminders and I let myself feel for a couple of days but then it's pretty much back to being a gangsta. I keep as busy as I can to distract myself. 

After my last ex, I decided to focus on myself, learn more about who I am and work on self improvement. To be honest, it is the best decision I have ever made. It has taken me 24 years but I have finally learnt to love myself. In the past I was constantly searching for someone to love and to make me happy. I have now learnt that I am my own happiness.

SEAN, 32

I had a shitty ending to my last relationship, so in a way I was left without a choice. For my own dignity and self worth, I had to end it. How I got over it? Travel!

Someone once told me something that has always stuck with me. We seem to focus so much on trying to "get over" that ex. What this person told me was that sometimes you never truly get over that ex, you just learn to live with it. Don't try so hard to question or wonder "Am I over them?". You just get on with your daily life and they sort of fade away. You start to accept it. 

Not sure if that makes sense, but it really helped me. I travelled a lot too. A change in scenery and environment is refreshing. I love the saying "we all live on the one planet, yet stuck in our own world". It is so true. Get outside of the world you constantly live in, open your eyes and never look back.

CELINA, 29

I've been in quite a few pretty serious relationships and I've also been in quite a few not so serious relationships. Funnily enough, none of them were easier than the other. They were all tough in their own ways. It takes me a while to fall for someone but it also takes me a while to get over them. Some I have never truly got over but have honestly moved on and would never go back, if that makes sense. 

I used to bottle things up and then when I was drunk it would all come out. I've now learnt that this was unhealthy so these days, I let myself feel. I allow myself to mope, cry, get it out of my system and then whenever I am ready, I slowly come back to reality and start doing things that I love. I'm lucky for my support network. I have the best friends anyone could ask for and this definitely helped even though for the first part I tend to keep to myself. 

Every time I start to miss an ex, I have to remind myself why it didn't work and what it was that didn't make me happy and this helps a little. I suppose I just keep active and busy, then eventually you realise that you haven't given them a thought and you're okay with that. Letting go is definitely tough but looking back each and every single one of my break ups has made me a stronger person.

SCOTT, 27

I just threw myself deeper into work, took up a few new hobbies like reading, just to keep myself from thinking about her. I kept as busy as I could and I also grew a beard because she hated beards lol.

MELANIE, 29

For me, letting go of him was about having confidence in myself. I held on because aside from physical abuse, he told me that I was worthless and nobody would love me like he did. Whenever I tried to leave, he always said he would change and things would get better. I felt bad for him so I stayed but when I finally did leave, he attempted suicide which made me feel like he was actually serious about wanting to change if he was willing to do that. I just didn't want to miss out on the day that his promise would finally come true. Partly because I was in live with him and partly because I was naive and didn't see past the controlling behavior and manipulation. 

Once I finally came back into the real world and discovered myself, I found that I was okay on my own. I also learnt that I was worthy of being loved the way I wanted and deserved. I was valuable. That was when I found it easier to let go. I learnt that what we had was not really "love". There is this poem that helped me get through that.

"Desiderata"

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

So there you go guys, we are all different and we all process things differently. Break ups are tough. I must say that in my experience, they never get any easier. I think the one thing that a lot of people have in common when it comes to dealing with getting over someone, was to focus on themselves and keep busy.

Do things you love, take up some new hobbies, get out and about, explore the world and make new experiences. Life is meant for living and unfortunately not everyone is meant to stay together. There is not one answer on how to get over your ex but I promise you that if you start to do things for your soul and focus on becoming a better version of you, time will eventually heal your broken heart.

I know it's tough now and it may still be tough moving forward but I promise you that once you come out on the other side, life will look so much brighter and you will finally see that life is so much better when you are looking after yourself.