I'm a Sucker for Pain

Lil Wayne's song got to me. I loved it. The first time I heard it, I hit it on repeat. As much of a positive person that I am, I have to admit, I'm a sucker for pain.

Certain songs really get to us and I always wondered why this song hit home for me. It lead to me questioning myself and it also lead to me making realizations. I listened to the lyrics and yes the beats were pumping but I still was curious as to why I was so into this tune.

Then it hit me, after some self analysis and some soul searching, I realised that I felt like if I had suffered no pain, it wasn't really a gain. Why would I think this? Maybe because of my upbringing and everything I have been through.  

I've been so used to overcoming obstacles, overcoming challenges and making sure that I seemed okay even if circumstances didn't claim so. I was so used to having to endure pain before I reaped any rewards, that I associated this with everything in my life. I truly believed that everything worth having meant to have to go through pain and sacrifices.

Now don't get me wrong, some things that we do want to achieve certainly involves commitment and sacrifices. The mistake that I have made is something I want to share with others as I don't want to see others also experience the same things.

When it comes to dating, I'm a sucker for pain

I'm the kind of girl that doesn't fall easily. I'm the kind of girl that is picky AF. I'm the kind of girl that tells you all the things to be cautious about when you are dating someone. Yes, I'm that girl that is guarded as hell and doesn't trust easily.

Yes I may enlighten others and save them some heartbreak but I am also hindering myself and others from having anything substantial with a romantic prospect. If you chase me too much, I've lost interest. If you come on too strong, I'm out. 

I'm the type of girl that wants a friendship, some fun times, laughs, enjoyment and see where it goes. Tell me what needs to happen, I'm running to the hills. I hate restrictions and I hate being told what to do. Who actually likes that?

I've found though that in the past, I have been so used to meeting guys that come on too strong, that when I meet someone that isn't like that, I get intrigued. Why isn't he being like everyone else? Why isn't he chasing me?

Realizing that this is my own issue

Having this mentality has caused me so much pain and unneeded drama. Can I just state that if someone isn't making the effort to get to know you and if they aren't making the effort to at least try and impress you... please walk away, they don't give two shits about you. 

Someone that wants to be with you and loves you for who you are, will want to show that. If you see actions that state otherwise, walk away. We deserve better than that. We deserve better than feeling second best and we deserve to love someone that loves us as much as we love them. 

What I have learnt

As someone that has travelled and lived in many different cities and towns, I have to say that the one thing I have learnt is that people come and go. Looking back, every one taught me something, a lesson, a self enlightenment, a realization of something that I couldn't have learnt without meeting someone like them. 

People come into our lives to teach us. Sometimes we see it, sometimes we don't. If you look back though, every single person that came into our lives came to teach us something, good or bad. 

What I have learnt is that some people will never see how amazing of a person I really am because they just don't want to take the time or make the effort to get to know that side of me. You know what? They don't deserve the better part of me. 

People come and go, it is up to us to differentiate who is worth keeping around and who isn't. Do we really need to go through unneeded pain? I don't know about you but I do know that I am done being a sucker for pain.