Is It Really Running Away If You Avoid Conflict?
Some people thrive off drama. They love to gossip, they love the excitement of the highs and lows. If things are too cruisy whether it be their relationships, work place or personal lives, sometimes people start fights and cause arguments. Maybe it's to see if the other person really cares or maybe they're just bored.I guess we will never know what goes on. As for me, the moment I sniff negativity, gossipers, whiners or people that are always complaining, I bolt the other way. Some people may say it's because I can't handle confrontations or I don't want to face any challenges. Some may say I run away from my problems. In my mind, I believe that life is too short for BS and anything that is filled with negative vibes, I tend to pull the classic "Houdini" move.
To be perfectly honest, my childhood wasn't exactly the most stable. I've been homeless, I've couch surfed, I've lived in and out of multiple carers homes and lived in many different share houses and even with a few boyfriends. Throughout my life, there has been some turbulent, emotional and even traumatic experiences.
The last couple of years have been the most stable of my life. Maybe it's because I started to learn more about myself. Maybe it's because I've been living on my own. Maybe it's because I choose to steer clear of anyone that brings any negativity into my life. Or maybe it's because I learnt that life is full of choices and I just choose the option that has less drama involved.
My life has been filled with drama. A lot of it was out of my control. Things that couldn't be helped. Some I will admit, was self inflicted. You know those moments when you feel sorry for yourself because of something that happens outside of your control, so you go get drunk and do things you regret? But tell yourself it's okay, at least you made it happen to yourself. No one else did it to you. Not sure if you can relate but when I was younger, I was a bit like this. I preferred if I was the one that hurt myself rather than have someone else do it. At least then I had control, or so I thought. Silly, but hey, I was a messed up teenager.
But I do know one thing, I'm over the drama. I'm over the emotional roller coaster. I just want peace. I want to feel centered and grounded. I want stability. I just want to chill and enjoy the goodness of life and the good vibes.
One of my early classic "Houdini" moves was when I was 19. I started seeing this guy. He was cute, he raced cars, owned his own pad and he was obsessed with me. I thought "Wow this guy has really got it going on and pretty much kisses the ground I walk on. He could never hurt me, he must really love me". Little did I know back then that this was a massive red flag. I am now scared off by any guy that puts me on a pedestal before they even get to know me. I've now learnt that if a guy is swooning over me before he actually knows me, he's falling in love with the idea of me, not actually falling in love with me. And this can be dangerous.
It was an instant relationship. He asked me to move in and within months, we were living together. Not long after I started to see that he was not at all interested in getting to know me. He was more interested in me finding interest in his life, his hobbies and wanted me to be a stepford wife. He told me to quit my job as he wanted to support me, he wanted me to go to all of his car events and outings. I think I was his male handbag to show off. I freaked. I had been on my own since I was 14, no one controls me. I saw alarm bells of a jealous and controlling boyfriend. I saw traits of my previous boyfriend and I was too scared to confront him in fear he too would also be angry and have a short temper. It wasn't worth getting into a fight about. So one day, while he was at work, I packed my bags and pulled the "Houdini" move.
Another time was when I was 23. I was in a relationship that started to go around in circles. You know those on again off again, vicious cycles? Those break up and make ups, the tears, the fights and then the awesome make up sex? The I hate you, I love you type of unhealthy relationship? Yup, I've been there.
Long story short, I couldn't break out of that cycle. I would leave, he would beg and I would take him back. Every darn time. In hindsight, I really shouldn't have let it go on for as long as I did. Lesson learnt, I have and will never do another off again on again relationship. You either make it work or you don't. There is no in between as it's unfair for both parties involved.
Anyway, it took me to book a one way ticket and leave the country for a few years to break that cycle. Now I'm not saying that if you are stuck in one of those relationships to go book a ticket and leave the country. For me though, it worked out to be one of the best things I have ever done. You could say that this was the ultimate "Houdini".
When I was traveling, a lot of people couldn't believe I just packed my bags and left. They all asked what I was running away from. In my eyes, I was running towards adventure and new experiences. I was leaving the rat race, the bad relationship and running towards what else the world could offer. I didn't feel like I was running away. I felt I was running toward something so much more than what was.
These days, if I meet someone that only wants to gossip or talk negatively about people, I turn the other way. If I meet someone that starts to show controlling, jealous or manipulative tendencies, I pull the "Houdini". If I find myself in a situation full of negativity that I cannot control, I simply retreat into my woman cave and come back when I feel I have a better mindset. I run at the first feeling of a bad vibe. It's not like I'm afraid to voice my opinion, I can. If someone was to ask me straight out why I just looked the other way or ran, I would happily let them know how I felt. If they never ask, well I simply don't bother wasting my energy trying to get someone to understand where I am coming from.
When it comes to my personal relationships and friendships, anyone that knows me would tell you that if I had a problem with something, I would let them know. I don't believe in holding grudges or building resentment. I have learnt that this is unhealthy. If I care about someone, I will always kindly but sternly let them know how I feel because I feel it is worth my energy to maintain the relationship with them. Communication is key.
You choose who stays in your life and as they say your vibe attracts your tribe. I must say that I am extremely lucky to have the amazing people in my life around me. We all keep it real and they are all extremely genuine. They also know I won't tolerate bad vibes and you know what? They're exactly the same.
So the question is, if you start to feel a bad vibe and it niggles at you. Do you confront it head on or do you run? Is it wrong to pull the "Houdini" especially if it's not worth investing energy into? Are you really running away if you avoid conflict or are you just choosing a more peaceful path?
